Remus hit the ground with a thump, shouting as his body, which was up until then in a fitful sleep, was awakened by the cold dormitory floor. He groaned once, then untangled himself from the sheets which ungracefully came with him during his plummet from his bed. Grabbing the sheet that was on his face, he turned himself onto his back to stare at the ceiling.
He had had the nightmare again. The one about all his worst fears: of attacking someone while transformed, of failing all his classes, of being friendless and alone, of… of… of Sirius discovering his secret and hating him. Remus then started his normal routine of self assurances: he had his friends, they wouldn’t let him attack someone… He was smart and hardworking, there’s no way he would fail… His friends were loyal; they’d stick with him to the end… and Sirius… Sirius would never reject him, because he’d never tell him. Never. No matter how much he wanted the boy, loved the boy, no matter how much it hurt him to see him shag anything with breasts, he wouldn’t, couldn’t tell him. Telling him would mean pain, hurt, rejection. Telling him would mean having to face the awkward conversation. Hey, Sirius, I forgot. Did I tell you that I’m gay? Oh, and on that topic, I fancy you. Scratch that. I love you. Then he’d have to face the uncomfortable response that would inevitably come as Sirius reminds him that A, he isn’t gay and B, Remus is his friend, and he would never have feeling for him. Remus would rather save himself the bitter rejection and suffer quietly, silently loving the boy from a close distance.
Slipping back into reality, Remus stood up, wiping cold sweat off his face with the sleeve of his woolen pajamas. He scanned the room. Peter snored heavily on his four-poster, more like a bear than a mouse. He turned to glance at Sirius’ bed, and his heart plummets; it’s completely empty. He’s probably off with some bird… Remus silently snarled as images of Sirius pushing some big-eyed, long-haired Hufflepuff against a wall and snogging her senseless floated through his mind. Biting back a very unmanly sob, he took tentative steps towards Sirius’ bed, leaning over and softly placed his hands upon it. It’s was still warm. He crouched down and buried his face in the blankets, smelling the sweet’ musky scent that was unique to Sirius, and drove Remus’ brain crazy with want. He gathered up more of the blankets in his arms, snuggling his face into them, wanting nothing more than to snuggle into Sirius himself.
And that’s when he heard it: a quiet sob that broke through the stillness of the night. A stuttering intake of breath, then another whimper. Remus looked up to the left; there, sitting on the edge of his bed, knees pulled up to his chest, is James.
“James?” The word hung in the air, emphasizing how quiet it had been. No reply came, just a slight raise of the head and a sniff of the nose. Remus stood up from his kneeling position, taking Sirius’ sheets with him, stalked over, and silently sat down next to James. “James?” he asked again, not really expecting an answer. As presumed, he doesn’t get one. Hesitantly, he put an arm around his friend, and pulled him towards himself to lean on him. They stayed in this manner for a few minutes, with James quietly crying into Remus’ shoulder, before Remus decides to voice his suspicion.
“It’s Lily, isn’t it?” The only answer he got was a renewed wave of sobbing. Remus confirmed his intuition was right; it usually was, what with his being a werewolf and all. Lily had recently stated she’d rather date a lake-dwelling mollusk than him, and, although James had taken a fairly apathetic attitude about the ordeal, Remus had been able to tell that James was heartbroken, and this midnight sobbing only verified it.
“Prongs, listen, I don’t know much about girls-“At this, he was interrupted by a snort of laughter from James. “Did you just laugh at me?” Remus inquisitioned, incredulously.
James looked up with puffy eyes and a half-hearted smirk on his face. “Oh, come now, Moons. It’s pretty obvious that you don’t know much about girls, if you catch my drift.”
Remus gaped at him, before stuttering into his denial; “I- I don’t know what you mean.”
Even in the shadows of the semi-darkness, Remus couldn’t miss the glace James threw towards Sirius’ sheets, which Remus realized he was still holding, before answering. “Oh, I think you do.”
Remus may have been exaggerating, but he swore he could feel the blood draining out of his face. Swallowing a lump in his suddenly-dry throat, Remus whispers, “You… you do?”
After wiping his snotty nose on his pale blue sleeve, James sat up. “Yeah, Moons. I know. Seen it. Since third year, right? You told him yet?”
“To- told him yet? You mental, James?! I can’t tell him! It’d ruin our friendship! It’d make things weird, because I’m gay and… and in love with him.” Remus sighed. “It’s fine. Really. I don’t need to tell him.”
James sighed, running a hand through his hair- not in the ‘Look at me, I’m the cocky James Potter’ way, but in the ‘I’m not getting my point across way’. “Moons, you gotta take a chance! You never know until you try!”
“No!” Remus stood up, throwing a hand in the air. “James, you don’t get it! He doesn’t like me! He sees me like a little brother, his little Remus he has to protect from the moon! He would NEVER like me as anything more, and I don’t expect him to. Just… just leave it alone.” He didn't meet James’ eyes, instead looking over to check if Peter was still asleep, which he was, then turning to stare down at his feet. “I’m… I’m sorry for yelling at you. I think… I think I’m going to bed now.” Remus made to walk away, but he felt a hand grasped on his wrist, and turned back to see James nod for him to sit back down.
“Remus John 'Moony' Lupin. Neither you, nor sadly I-“ “He’s never talked you about it?” “No. Anyways, neither you nor I know whether he has feelings towards you, and we’re not going to until you tell him. Moony, come on,” James started when Remus made to get up, “it’s not that ridiculous an idea! No matter how much you shoot it down, there is a possibility that he likes you. Now, stop being childish and tell him! Even if he doesn’t like you like that, at least you’ll get it off your chest! Come on. I know the Sensible Moony would agree with me. And trust me. You and I both know Sirius wouldn’t shut you out or anything. He may be a jerk-off, but he’s not that insensitive. He cares for you that much to be weirded out. And he’d never hate you because you were gay. In fact-“ At this, James shut his mouth and became suspiciously silent.
“In fact what…?”
James ran a hand through his hair again, in the ‘I’m going to regret this later’ way. “Look, I’m not really supposed to tell anyone this… but… Sirius fancies blokes. Along with girls. He’s bisexual. He’s going to come out next week. He says he’s got his eye on this one guy, but he’s not saying who, in case you’re wondering. He gets really defensive when I ask him about it. In any case, you’ve got a chance, Moons, if he’ll take his mind off this mystery bloke for a moment…”
Remus sat in silence for a moment, letting it all sink in. “Wow…. Really?... but… he’s such a-“
“Womanizer? Yeah, I know; it surprised me too. But it does make sense, when you think about it. I mean, the boy cares too much about his hair to be entirely straight.”
There’s a slight pause, then they both crack up, having to lie on their backs from the force of their laughter. After coming back to their senses, Remus asks, “By the way, where is Sirius? Is he…”
“Off with some bird? Yeah. Sorry mate. He told me over dinner he was gonna sneak out to hook up with some Ravenclaw chick.”
Then, as if fate had been listening, or if he had just been listening to the conversation, who should chose to walk through the door but the one and only Sirius Orion Black, hair tousled, tie undone and shirt hanging off his shoulders. He walked over, and stopped halfway to his bed, finally noticing the awake James and Remus. “Oh! Hey guys. Did I wake you when I got up? Sorry about that. I was- er, I won’t mention it in front of little Moony’s virgin ears,” which earned him an eye roll from said Moony, “but let me just say, that Isabelle is a wild one…. Hey, Prongsie, you alright, mate?” Sirius added, finally picking up on his friends’ downtroddeness.
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. I had, er, allergies, and, um, Moony here was helping me. With them. Yeah.” Remus understood why James didn’t want to tell Sirius he was crying; Sirius had never been one for sensitivity, and he’d never shown much support for James’ affections for Lily.
“Oh.” Sirius smiles. “I should’ve known. Sounds like something you’d do, Remmy. You’re a great friend. We’re lucky to have you.”He grinned at Remus. It wasn’t not the dramatic one he gave the professors, or the charming one he flashed the hoards of fangirls, or even the smug one Snivilous got on a daily basis. It was sincere, and warm, and the most honest thing Remus has ever seen on Sirius’ face, and it leave him stuttering.
“I- I-“ He gulps. “Thank you, Sirius. That’s really… nice.”
Remus nearly died of shock he witnessed Sirius, the cocky and arrogant Sirius, blush. “No problem, Remus. I mean it.”
Remus knew he should probably look away. He knew this glance was turning into a full-on stare. But, for the first time in his life, he realized that Sirius was staring back, with an expression he could imagine is very similar to his own.
A snore from the sleeping Peter startled them both, and they broke eye contact. Sirius looked down at his feet and mumbles, “I should probably go to bed.” And with that, he padded over to his bed, climbed onto it, and with a final look at Remus, shut his curtains and Nox’d his tralala light.
Remus and James sat there for a few moments, then James clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks mate. Sirius was right. You are a good friend.”
“Thanks. And don’t worry yourself too much over Lily. I have a feeling she’ll come around,” which was true. Remus and his never-wrong instinct were telling him Lily would eventually succumb to James’ persistence.
After a manly hug, Remus stood up. “Night, Prongs. See you in the morning.” Remus was halfway over to his own bed when Sirius says, “Hey, where are my sheets?”
… Bugger.
Subject: Of Bedsheets and Blubbering 
Tue Jun 15, 2010 12:51 am
