It breaks my heart to do this…but I don’t want to be an admin anymore. I can’t positively contribute gosh, when I don’t feel like this is home, and even though the thought of not having you guys anymore terrifies me…sometimes the thought of logging in to that chat scares me more.
I love you guys. I love you guys so much, and I don’t know why I’m so scared. Please don’t think I’m doing this with a light heart, because I keep trying and trying to make this home again and get unafraid, but it won’t work. I feel better
I don’t want to delete my account, because I’m going to be frank, I’m not really very rational right now. I’m so stressed, and I’m so not the person I thought I was. I always defined myself as one thing…and everything about that one thing has changed, and I’m so scared, and even though I’m holding myself together, the thought of UW in the midst of all this just tears down what I’ve been trying to hold together. It shouldn’t be that way; it should be my sanctuary, but it’s not.
I barely understand what’s going on with me right now, much less explain it to you guys, so I’m sorry this is so confusing. Please just understand that I’m so out of whack right now, and that I don’t feel like me. I am the complete opposite of the way I used to be, and even though that scares me, I think I like the way I am now. But liking myself the way I am now, makes me feel like I’m betraying myself.
This isn’t spontaneous, it’s been getting worse for months, and I’ve talked to Ginny about it, but I’ve thought it over, and even though it hurts my heart so much, I just can’t anymore.
I don’t know what’s going on, all I know is that I can keep everything together, keep pushing, and be perfect-perfect grades, lose weight, have friends, yet still be me-until I think of UW. Because when I think of UW, I can’t do it without crying anymore.
I’m not deleting my account…and please don’t let anyone else take my place until I let Ginny know that I’m gone for good. I may…not be gone for good. I may come back, if this all blows over and I get some control of what’s happening to me right now.
The thought of leaving you guys scares me so much, because I love you guys so much, so please don’t delete me.
And for some reason, I changed the lyrics to that KISS song they sang on Glee to match my feelings, and I guess I may as well display them.
Yeah, Gin, I hear the phone ring
But I get on right now
I’ve got homework, I’m busy
And I just can’t work it out
Just a few more hours…
And I’ll log right in to you
But then I just can’t do it
Oh, guys what can I do?
Guys, what can I do?
If I leave, I’ll feel so empty
This place is my only home
But even when I’m on here
I can’t help but feel alone
Just a few more hours
And I’ll log right on to you
But I just can’t, I’m trying
What else can I do?
Guys, what can I do?
I know that I’ll be lonely
And I hope you’ll be fine
And then after that nothing else really works, so I stopped.
………………That was REALLY bad.
But in summary, I love you guys, and it’s not your fault, and I’m one messed up chick right now.
Goodbye.
:sidehug:
:study: :ninja: :lightningbolt:
:Oreo:
RUMBLEROAR!
Remus Lupin says:
March 12, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Who gave the muggle dunce some Polyjuice?
Severus Snape says:
March 12, 2010 at 9:58 pm
It twas I, Severus Snape the potions master!
Remus Lupin says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Severus, that was very unwise of you. I believe you just broke the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy.
Gabo says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:11 pm
?
Severus Snape says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:13 pm
Oh, but you see, Remus, I gave that Polyjuice potion to Professor Slughorn, who thinks that Muggle ruler is much more sexier than himself.
Remus Lupin says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Ah, so no muggles were involved? Good. That would be bad.
Ginny Weasley says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:37 pm
But, professor, what will happen to the real muggle politician?
Lucius Malfoy says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Don’t worry, he’s in a “safe” place.
Remus Lupin says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Lucius, what have you done with the American?
Lucius Malfoy says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:47 pm
Do not ask questions you don’t want the answer to, wolf.
Ginny Weasley says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:48 pm
From what I’ve heard about him, its for the better. Maybe the Death Eaters do do a good thing every once in a while. Hey, Lucy, got some spare Dark Marks?
Lucius Malfoy says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Sorry, no Mudbloods allowed. :p
Ginny Weasley says:
March 12, 2010 at 10:50 pm
Its because I’m a girl, isn’t it? Feminists, unite!
Subject: You have no clue how much I love you guys....BUT..... 
Sat Sep 18, 2010 11:50 pm
