DON'T RUN AWAY ITS ANTI-The-Series-That-Must-Not-Be-Named JUST READ!

AS WE ALL KNOW Sparkles FANGIRLS ARE A VERY DANGEROUS THING! I POSTED THIS LIST TO HELP PROTECT ALL OF YOU FROM THE HORROR!
10 Do’s and Do Not’s of Avoiding Death by Sparkles Fangirl
This is an important list in response to a question by sintRizzie regarding Chapter 1. She asks “I just wanted to comment on this because New Moon was my favorite book as well, does that make me a target for the fangirls?”
I’m sorry to say this, but NO ONE is safe from an Sparkles fangirl. Every time you interact with teenage girls, you are at risk to encounter fangirls and if approached, expierience their various side-effects (ex. Hearing damage as a result of squealing, the need to bleach your brain after hearing their, err, detailed description of Sparkles's attractiveness, the inexplicable urge to giggle, etc.).
Do not fear! Here is your ten-step guide to keep you safe from these well-caffeinated beings.
1. DO avoid high-risk areas such as book stores, Paramore concerts, movie premieres, and The-Series-That-Must-Not-Be-Named conventions, but also be aware that fangirls are everywhere. Even libraries aren’t safe, so be sure to avoid the dreaded Twibrarian.
2. DO NOT wear any The-Series-That-Must-Not-Be-Named or anti-The-Series-That-Must-Not-Be-Named paraphernalia out in public. This puts you in the high risk category of being approached.
3. If approached, DO feign deafness. Move your hands around a bunch to make it appear like you’re doing sign language.
4. DO NOT speak to the fangirl, unless it is absolutely necessary. Avoid saying anything Anti-Sparkles, as this will cause them to try to convert you, but don’t say you like Sparkles, because that will invoke squeals of, ”OMG! Like, me, too!” Try to act like you are Team Switzerland, or, better yet, Team Jasper.
5. DO wear boyish clothing and a baseball cap when you go to high-risk areas listed in tip number 1. Boy The-Series-That-Must-Not-Be-Named fans are at a much lower risk level of being approached.
6. DO NOT attempt to use pepper spray if approached. This will remind them of James, which will remind of the ballet studio fight, which will remind them of Sparkles. You don’t want to remind them of Edward…..
7. DO make sure to get all your rabies vaccinations before approaching a high-risk area.
8. DO NOT carry any of the books around with you in public, but if you do, get a hardback version. Replace the sleeve with that of another book.
9. If approached, DO shout loudly, “But his nipples are uneven!” when they talk about Sparkles shirtless. This will make the situation awkward, and may cause them to retreat.
10. If approached, DO NOT say the words “Heroin, lion, lamb, or feathers. (Shudders) Especially not feathers.

Ginevra-- THANK YOU THIS WILL BE SO HELPFUL AROUND MY SCHOOL!

What if I want to go to a Paramore concert?

Paramore sucks.

Paramore is amazing, and I THINK the concerts should be safe now, but when i made this list they were still being overrun by fans of Decode.

This is HILARIOUS
Thanks!

I love Paramore!

LAWL! I LOVE NUMBER 9!

ANOTHER ONE:
10 Ways The-Series-That-Must-Not-Be-Named is like is like Heroin
1. You get into it because, "Everyone else is doing it!"
2. Its great when you're reading/smoking it, but once its over you look back and think, "What did I just do?"
3. Its too late then, because you're addicted.
4. You then continue to smoke/read it.
5. You start to wonder why you ever got into it.
6. You spend all your time and money on it.
7. All your friends either read/smoke it with you, or they try to get you off of it.
8. You find yourself reading/smoking it when you write fanfiction. (Hence crackfics.)
9. No matter how hard you try to rid yourself of it, you can't get rid of the taint.
10. You find yourself spiraling into a deep, dark hole of despair.

Number 11 to why it's like Heroin: It makes your hair fall out.
12: It kills your lungs
13: your teeth rot and fall out
14: your hair gets unkempt and matted
15: you develop wrinkles
16: your appetite is gone
17: there is a possibility of death everytime you take a dose.

(me is scared)

This, my friends, is what heroin does to you:
the risk of contracting blood-borne pathogens such as HIV and hepatitis
the risk of contracting bacterial or fungal endocarditis and possibly venous sclerosis
abscesses
Poisoning from contaminants added to "cut" or dilute heroin
Chronic constipation
Addiction and increasing tolerance
Physical dependence can result from prolonged use of all opioids, resulting in withdrawal symptoms on cessation of use
Decreased kidney function (although it is not currently known if this is due to adulterants or infectious diseases)
The Drug Policy Alliance reports that up to 75% of new AIDS cases among women and children are directly or indirectly a consequence of drug use by injection.
Depending on drug interactions and numerous other factors, death from overdose can take anywhere from several minutes to several hours due to anoxia because the breathing reflex is suppressed by µ-opioids. Heroin overdoses can occur due to an unexpected increase in the dose or purity or due to diminished opioid tolerance. However, many fatalities reported as overdoses are probably caused by interactions with other depressant drugs like alcohol or benzodiazepines. It should also be noted that since heroin can cause nausea and vomiting, a significant number of deaths attributed to heroin overdose are caused by aspiration of vomit by an unconscious victim. Some sources quote the median lethal dose (for an average 75kg opiate-naive individual) as being between 75 and 375mg. Street heroin is of widely varying and unpredictable purity. This means that the user may prepare what they consider to be a moderate dose while actually taking far more than intended. Also, tolerance typically decreases after a period of abstinence. If this occurs and the user takes a dose comparable to their previous use, the user may experience drug effects that are much greater than expected, potentially resulting in a dangerous overdose.
It has been speculated that an unknown portion of heroin related deaths are the result of an overdose or allergic reaction to quinine, which may sometimes be used as a cutting agent.
A final factor contributing to overdoses is place conditioning. Heroin use is a highly ritualized behavior. While the mechanism has yet to be clearly elucidated, longtime heroin users display increased tolerance to the drug in locations where they have repeatedly administered heroin. When the user injects in a different location, this environment-conditioned tolerance does not occur, resulting in a greater drug effect. The user's typical dose of the drug, in the face of decreased tolerance, becomes far too high and can be toxic, leading to overdose.
A small percentage of heroin smokers and occasionally IV users may develop symptoms of toxic leukoencephalopathy. The cause has yet to be identified, but one speculation is that the disorder is caused by an uncommon adulterant that is only active when heated. Symptoms include slurred speech and difficulty walking.
Cocaine is sometimes used in combination with heroin, and is referred to as a speedball when injected or moonrocks when smoked together. Cocaine acts as a stimulant, whereas heroin acts as a depressant. Coadministration provides an intense rush of euphoria with a high that combines both effects of the drugs, while excluding the negative effects, such as anxiety and sedation. The effects of cocaine wear off far more quickly than heroin, thus if an overdose of heroin was used to compensate for cocaine, the end result is fatal respiratory depression.

And when you try to get off it, here's withdrawl:

The withdrawal syndrome from heroin may begin within 6 to 24 hours of discontinuation of the drug; however, this time frame can fluctuate with the degree of tolerance as well as the amount of the last consumed dose. Symptoms may include: sweating, malaise, anxiety, depression, priapism, extra sensitivity of the genitals in females, general feeling of heaviness, cramp-like pains in the limbs, excessive yawning or sneezing, tears, rhinorrhea, sleep difficulties (insomnia), cold sweats, chills, severe muscle and bone aches; nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, cramps, and fever.

The final verdict? DON'T DO HEROIN.

TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR FOR LIL'S UNQUESTIONABLE LOGIC!!

Thank you! Thank you!
*bows*

JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS ALCOHOL AND OBSESSIVE ROLEPLAY SITES!

DON'T HAVE SEX OR YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAND GRENADE, BRICK?

SURELY YOU MUST BE JOKING

IM TOTALLY SERIOUS... AND DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY